I had the privilege to work with jeremy current yesterday on a wee idea I had brewing in my head for him. he’s releasing his new E.P “house on fire” which you can hear over here.
We began with the first half of the shoot up at our friends’ stables (second half to be shot soon). I brought my lighting equipment but the umbrellas scared the horse, so I ended up having to use a bare speedlight when the sun left us with little to work with. I thought that was going to be opposite to what I intended but God knows that when you ‘go with it’ things can be better than you imagine. Turns out the contrast of the bare light was exactly the right kind of light I would have needed for this to be as strong as I wanted.
The more I learn about art, the less I know. We talked about it on the way home, and it was good to know I’m not alone in this feeling, and that indeed it should be an exciting reality, not a fearful one. Every day the door is flung wide to learn something new and in the process create something beautiful. Even the mistakes and the things that didn’t even work all take us forward if we have the courage to try. I struggle with that, wether to try knowing I may fall flat on my face when there are so many other people I know that seem to be sailing along beautifully. But I am tired of that, it’s just crippling. I want to rejoice with my brother in his songs without fearing that I have nothing to say. I want to be free to revel in the beauty of my sister’s art without comparing it with my own.

Enough prattling from me,
Here’s a wee peek at what we got to make happen:

I’m sharing the love!

I ready myself for a month long journey home. In two weeks I take Jonah to Scotland, and to England for the first time since Grandpa passed. I haven’t seen Granny or the Yorkshire lands for about a year and a half, and God knows I feel it deeply. I’m aching to sit by Grandpa’s cairn, add a stone, to speak to the earth about him for a while up on that hill under the great oak tree. I want to hear the drawing of the curtains in the dining room as all goes quiet and dark for the evening, with just the odd sheep bleating in the night. I want to sit by the old clock and listen to its chime to me all of it’s vast and simple memories that make my throat hurt just a little now. I wonder if I’ll struggle this time – I’m so weak in the face of memory – I could sit underneath nostalgia’s brooding wing for many hours. Perhaps what I am realizing as I write this (and become overwhelmed with emotion whilst doing so) – is that I am homesick. The earth of the dark Island has a hold on you – it’s something deep and unutterable. Perhaps that’s why it’s seen as such a magical place full of faeries and sprites, druids and strange stones, because there is a hum underneath that green grassy ground that draws your soul for all your days no matter where you may be in the world.

It’s been years since I’ve been home when it hasn’t been winter too – even in winter everything managed to stay luminous green on the ground, but I think I shall be nearly blinded by the color this time. North Carolina can be said to be green, but it’s brown and faded in comparison to Scotland in the Spring.

I’ll set Jonah free to run on the land and wonder if it will change him as it does me. I think he will be breathing fresher air, and running wilder and freer, and that makes me joyous. I think God has great things in store for us as we go away for a while – i think some new breath will blow.

I spent the day with one of my favorite families on Monday, to photograph a day with them and get some family portraits. It’s been a while since I’ve been to their home in the rural trail, and it was so refreshing to my spirit. The mother is one of the most graceful and beautiful women I’ve known in my life, full of poetry and gentleness. The father a strong, kind and witty man with a generous heart. The girls – all unique, all completely magical. So we made them fairies – I am excited to give them this gift!

I want to take dance lessons,
join the Charlotte orchestra,
and learn to sew

amongst everything else….

Every week my magical friend Sarah and I play at nursing homes and retirement facilities. Every place is different – some have severe alzheimer’s and other mental health issues, some have broken bones and can’t breathe well, others are simply living a quiet and healthy life. I have gleaned many many funny and heartbreaking stories from these places and really need to write a lot of them down. the Lord teaches me about His unwavering grace and passionate love in these places, with these sweet old ones. It’s often where I find His presence the thickest these days.

Today we went to a hospice. Sarah and I sang “Tiptoe to the Tulips”, an old favorite. At a particular point where there’s a musical pause at the end, one woman shouts out “LIBERACE!” with bright joy on her face. Now, old ones tend to shout and say random things all the time, it’s nothing new, but what’s so mystifying to me about this is she did the exact same thing about a month ago, with the same song, on the same chord pause. She’s never said a word any other time with any other song and we go there a lot. It’s something in the music that pushes a button, and she comes alive. What is that?

I am thinking of putting together a wee group of folks to help this area of elderly care. I want to take them to the severe mental health cases and do music therapy with them – in turn singing melodies to bring out that light in their eyes that says “I’m still here” – to touch their arms and hold their hands to say “we love you” – a touch and a smile means everything to these dear ones.

I thank God for the aged, for their enduring hearts and sweet and sometimes fiery spirits, for the love they soak up and give back.

I thank Him too for my dear friend Sarah, who, when I was down last week, took me by the hands and spun me round singing Shantytown on the porch. When I say she’s magical, I mean it- old Disney fairytale magical.

some of the lesser things of yesterday:
-all day headache
-losing my lavender plants to a curious son, ending in my favorite vintage orange velvet couch being smothered with soil and seeds
-having to go grocery shopping at night, just to be alone

the greater things of yesterday:
-taking Jonah to discovery place, feeling him nestled into my side at the dinosaur puppet show. He isn’t usually very cuddly, so I treasure it when it comes.
-Buying a weeping willow plant – we used to pass these growing by the path when I was young, on our way to school. I’d pick a bud and keep it in my pocket for later, because they’re quite possibly the softest thing you’ve ever felt. So seeing one at Trader Joes flooded a memory over me – I felt the cold biting air, the sound of the gravel under my feet, the butterflies in my stomach as I walked to my new school. And the warm softness of that strange plant in my pocket, between my shaky, insecure 8 year-old fingers.
-walking past the oranges at Wal Mart – I hate Wal Mart, but I have to go. The oranges’ scent wafted under nose and I stood there for a what felt like a stolen moment, just breathing it in, breathing in the promise of summer, breathing in refreshment from a dreary afternoon.
-feeling depserate for God’s presence in the car – my first moment alone all day and I was literally thirsty just to connect with Him – I can say for the first moment in a very long time that I tangibly feel my need for God. And of course He is faithful – He was already waiting.

Today

she came softly through the door

cello under her hand and guitar under arm

the brightest smile that quietly lights the newly painted hallway.

Liberty skipped in behind her tossing her head side to side, ready to play

My son, dancing at their presence, got over his fear of penny whistles

and played a song with his little mouth

“dewwwwwwooooooo!!!”

I told of the new nightgown I just bought, how cozy it feels, how I need a night-cap to match, how I want to wear it all day. 

She tells me to go put it on. and I do, twirling in it for my friend who laughs and claps for me

 And I am still in it

after running outside to photograph a hawk perched on the tree in my garden,

pick up the letters and junk mail,

and wave goodbye to Liberty and Sarah-Lynn. 

Today I feel like a mother and a child at the same time

..It’s a wonderful feeling..

Stephen came over last night to record some new songs. They are killer. He’s growing so much as a songwriter I am so proud to be in music with him. There’s something about when dear friends and brothers get together to make music – something happens that is closer than you can touch. Our heart for this place, this studio and our home, is that it would be a haven for artists who are in need of community and encouragement. For those who are seeking, and those who have found, and those who are happy to be lost, to feel the presence of God in the wonder of what they create together. I believe the Lord has great plans for us and for this place! We need to come up with a name for this place…any ideas?

Here are some shots from last night.