I haven’t written much in the last year, and so much has happened. So much that is difficult to put into words. So much rending and changing of the heart. So much wading in the murky waters of early battle, before you can see the dawn coming, before you can stand back and see what you are fighting and that victory is on the horizon line. So it has been difficult to articulate very much that would say anything of worth. I think sometimes when you are in the thick of things like that, it’s best to keep quiet, and hope, and let answers come. Clarity is a sweet friend that takes time to get to know and won’t tread upon your worrying.
Last year Deliverance came for me, with a strong arm and a sweet balm to soothe me once the job was done. Now He reminds me of what is to come and that I shall need Him again before the long night is out. Solitude has also come for me – because being a mother is hard. Being a leader is hard. Trying to be a good wife, friend, and all else I am to all others, and then in the end of the day remembering to be the things I always loved about myself – a songwriter, an artist, a child, Sarah. I took a trip last month to Moravian Falls just to remember these things and meet with the Holy One who was waiting for the minute I got into my car to leave. I came back changed, better, but more desperate for solitude than ever before, wondering how on earth I ever managed without it for so long. It’s hard for women, especially wives and mothers, to take that time and not feel guilty about it. After talking with friends I realize some women don’t even think about it – I certainly never did until recently. But now I see it is God-breathed, that solitude is a gift, of course it is, so that we can be all we can be to others out of the core of who we first are in our Maker. So that we give out from a wellspring that has been filled to overflowing. If solitude was good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for me, so I endeavor to take it often, even saying no to ‘good’ things that may compromise my alone time.
There are so many beautiful things to live out in this new season for me, and I hope to be better at documenting them this year around. In the meantime, I take each day at a time, slowly, being gentle with myself, with handfuls of God-given Grace and Peace worth waiting for.
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