I find myself in a curious place. Last year I took on the position of Worship Pastor for my church community here in Charlotte, Renovatus Church. After staying home with my son for 3 beautiful, peace-filled and sweet years, I felt it was the right time to step into something new, and enjoy the process of doing what I love for a living, which is music and worship and people. Right after that, I found out I was pregnant with another little boy, our gentle spirited Rohan who is now 4 months old. I remember stepping backwards and asking questions about the timing of all these things. I was a little perplexed, and honestly a little discouraged. It hasn’t been easy trying to balance pregnancy and newborn life with a job that I have been so desperate to put all I have into. But the Redeemer of All Things reminded me gently again of the days I had my first son Jonah – the return to simplicity and the profundity of children that take you deep into the heart of the Father.
It IS different this time, with two children and a place in working ministry, and now tackling an album. Not quite so simple. But keeping all things in balance is the key to peace here (something I’m not always very good at).
Which brings me to why I am really updating this blog right now. With the kind of life that I have, I have not the luxury of time. So what I do needs to matter to me. And the things that matter to me may not matter much to the world at times, and I am learning to be alright with that. Here are some of the things that matter to me:
Singing over my children songs of provision and grace, laughter and guidance. Letting them teach me how to expand my heart beyond my own selfishness and understand what it means to be a child of God.
Cooking new meals for my family, trying new foods
Being with my ‘people’ – the ones who I know would never shame me. The ones who will listen long, laugh often, cry with me and speak into my life, even the hard word when it is necessary.
Learning the heartbeat of my church, and putting her words into song. Building altars for the people of God through song that draws them into His presence has been one of the most powerful discipling experiences of my life.
Learning how much I am loved by Jesus, and learning to understand His words more fully each day, as that draws others to Him too.
Gardening – though time doesn’t lend to that right now, I dream every day about the garden I will build here. Dreaming right now is satisfying enough, it’s all I got.
Making music that I would want to listen to. I don’t have the will, time or energy to find out what everyone wants to hear and try and do that thing. I want to make music that stretches me and satisfies my soul, which makes for a record that not everyone is going to like. Of course I want you to hear it and like it, to be stirred and moved by what stirs and moves me. I want you to share in that experience. But if not, that’s really alright. We’re cool.
Being at home. This earth is filled with the glory of the Lord, and I walk on it daily with gratitude. My home, where my husband is and my children are, and my people are, this is where I am satisfied. I don’t want to travel all over the world with my music, trying to get it out to the masses – i just want to be faithful to create something each day, and experience the abundant life right here right now that I have been placed in. That’s good enough for me. And before anyone judges the desire for a simple life as anti-evangelistic – I will say that if God calls me to the farthest sea, then we go. But right here I see people who are broken and in need of a touch of God’s grace and healing a plenty. Being faithful where you are to speak against despair, even in the simple things, can speak volumes to the hurting who long for peace.
Hey, here’s a song I just finished. The album is coming, but you can have this one for free. Hear a hymn that pleads rest in a stormy season. There is a sanctuary within you where God resides that can be a blessed peace in the storm, if you allow yourself abide. Hear the storm, and abide within it.
beautiful song!! thanks so much for sharing.
Love. Love. Love. Love. Sarah DeShields you are a wondrous, beautiful marvel. I wish we lived closer.
I wish we lived closer too. I’d live in yer pocket if I could